Confession Number Two

Public confession Numero Dos: I find it very difficult to ask for or to receive help. This is for a number of reasons:
1) I am just socially awkward enough that having to explain whatever it is I need help with is often not worth the effort.
2) I don’t want to be a bother or put anyone else out.
3) I’m wired to need all the answers and have a feeling of competency in everything and acknowledging the need for help flies in the face of those things.

I do this with everyone and everything. “Would you like help with dinner?” “Do you need help lifting that heavy object that says ‘two-person lift’ on it?” “I can pick up your children for you if you’re running late- I’m already here anyway.” In general, any question of “is there anything I can do to help” is almost immediately dismissed with a “No, that’s ok. I’ve got it, but thanks.”

And it’s not just with humans. The entire idea of “let your requests be known to God” is such a hard concept for me to put into practice. I have trouble telling God what I need, or asking for help in accomplishing something. God gave me a brain, he expects me to use it well, and he’s put me in the situation I’m in. Furthermore, he’s not going to leave me hanging, so clearly I’m fully equipped to handle the situation. If I fail and fall flat on my face, I’ve got nobody but myself to blame.

But I can’t even begin to explain how backwards that is. And I know it. When someone asks if I need help, there is a visible struggle on my face as I fight through the urge to immediately say no. Instead, I usually pause, consider… and still say no.

Don’t let me do this. If you’re offering me help, double down. Even if I don’t like it. I need it. I’m eliminating opportunities that I can be loved by those around me by telling them that I don’t need them. And that takes things from just being quirky to being disobedient. Encourage me that you’re not offering the help because I’m a failure or because you think I’m incompetent, but simply because you care and that it’s ok to accept help. I’ll come around. Probably. #confessionsofanenneagram5

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